tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277695982024-03-06T13:59:41.317-06:00Wandering Monk, Reluctant GyrovagueWandering monks, gyrovagues, are vilified by Benedictines. A decade ago, I was desperate to be the good kind: stable, living in a monastery. As I'm an interfaith universalist, it was shocking when Benedictine sisters accepted me into their community - perhaps less so when they kicked me out a year later. So my journey continues.R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-4358381000115086432017-08-05T15:55:00.002-05:002017-08-05T19:32:54.786-05:00Disabled in the MorningI can walk. Normally, I manage an hour of limping around--enough to dress, water plants, feed the dog, and eat breakfast. While eating, I put my feet on ice to keep them from turning nasty. The rest of the day, I slump in a lift chair, legs elevated, feet touching nothing.
This morning, my feet got loud after only 30 minutes. That was it. No more walking. My hope for a quick trip to the farm R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-46066872897613296872016-11-12T23:35:00.000-06:002016-11-12T23:35:20.598-06:00Speak Before It's Too Late
First they came for Muslims, and I didn't speak because I wasn't Muslim.
Then they came for Blacks and Latinx, and I didn't speak because I wasn't Black or Latina.
Then they came for LBGTQ, and I didn't speak because I wasn't LBGTQ.
Then they came for PWD, and I didn't speak because I wasn't disabled.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.
- after Martin R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-11358257077661402062015-09-12T20:42:00.000-05:002017-07-12T13:48:44.163-05:00Global Warming, Marketing, and Zen Cats
I recently watched a video of economic predictions for 2020. A compendium of stats flashed by with rah-rah audio and snazzy visuals.
It was very much less than convincing.
The video assumes that world economies will continue along existing change vectors. This is not realistic.
Oooh: colorful social media stats.
“Business as
usual” can’t survive escalating climate disasters, rising R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-77204700345302871652015-09-07T10:23:00.000-05:002015-09-07T11:56:09.688-05:00If We Are An Organ In Earth's BodyAccording to the Gaia theory, the earth is becoming a coherent individual, so I can't help wondering about humanity's function in earth's body.
Discover what we do best and you will discover which earth organ we are.
So what do we do best?
Collect together and talk.
&R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-14988228720346039002015-08-24T15:22:00.000-05:002015-08-24T15:44:56.015-05:00Human Population Growth: Earth's Push Back Time
Humans are entering the top of our population growth curve.
Partly because some of us have chosen to limit births, but also because, for
the very first time in human history, earth is limiting our births for us.
It’s a biological given that
populations have an s-shaped growth curve.
At first, growth is
exponential, starting slow and increasing at a faster and faster R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-47850470119267813582015-08-17T12:03:00.002-05:002015-08-18T20:51:07.945-05:00Pitch Wars BioPitch Wars is an amazing, fun, (and sometimes anxiety fraught) writing contest run by Brenda Drake. But it is more than a contest; it is a community--for both the mentee hopefulls and the mentors.
Mentors post a blog to help mentees make their submission choice. Some mentees do as well. (Mentee Blog Hop)
Here is mine:
I read and write kidlit from PBs to YA. I used to read and write grownup R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-16175074168618115342015-08-13T14:31:00.000-05:002015-09-07T11:44:45.037-05:00When Compassion and Biology CollideWith a flash of annoyance, I drove up behind a car stopped in the middle of a suburban street. Then I noticed that facing me was another car in the opposite lane. Between the two cars a mom duck was crossing followed by her string of ducklings. A lot of ducklings, maybe a dozen.
They all crossed. As the cars started up, the mom duck jumped the curb. Her ducklings followed one by one.
The R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-26558534357924326692015-07-19T19:21:00.004-05:002017-07-12T13:45:00.965-05:00Rilke and UnemploymentI didn't get another job I wanted. If someone had taken all my greatest passions and all my skills, then designed a matching position, this one would have been it.
But no. I knew within two days of the interview, when they hadn't yet called my references.
I've made job application my priority for a long time now. Years. Yet, nada. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I have three part-time jobs, but R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-74966539345988373492013-12-05T11:07:00.000-06:002015-08-17T12:37:21.542-05:00Ready or Not in the Land of the Dying
I was sure he'd have died by now.
He was sliding fast last spring. I hoped he'd see his birthday in late June, but was positive he'd be gone by August.
Positive.
Come his birthday, and he rallied. I mean, really rallied. Not just ceasing to slide, but returning to a place he hadn't been in many, many months.
He was awake for hours at a time.
He looked people in the eye.
He cracked his R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-62146251612685698792013-07-18T21:40:00.001-05:002013-12-02T19:06:29.303-06:00Living with StrangersFor nine months, I barely tolerated my narcissistic weekend caregiver and his slovenly ways.
He never cleaned.
He broke my dining room chairs.
He wore his pants so low, he graced me with his bare butt when he bent over.
He grumbled, grumped and demanded that I meet his latest need.
Finally, I could no longer stand this man radiating bad temper through the house while my uncle was dyingR. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-76903814398752389532013-07-15T19:03:00.001-05:002013-07-15T20:59:39.304-05:00Death PracticeI knew it was time for Milt to be in hospice last fall, but I still didn't like it. When I agreed to do this, I thought we'd have at least five years together, hopefully longer. Two and a half years? I couldn't make sense of it. I gave the hospice folks a lot of grief as I twisted and turned, pushed and pulled, unable to lie comfortably in this new bed.
I'd expected that when Milt was ready to R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-55194729825096469522013-05-31T12:17:00.000-05:002013-05-31T20:56:20.263-05:00Dying in PeaceMy uncle lives with me. He is dying. With hospice at our
sides,* his passing has a good chance of being gentle and sweet. He’s on the last stretch. I hope he makes it to his birthday in late June, but don't expect him to be here for long after.
Still, his body has a fair bit of letting go to do. He eats less and less, but still eats. (Those truly ready to go often stop
eating altogether.) He R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-64667838146407455552013-04-22T20:39:00.000-05:002013-05-31T10:46:23.406-05:00Grief, Joy, RestI'm learning yoga nidra. This is the yoga of deep relaxation and complete self-acceptance - the exact
opposite of throwing your body into extreme poses - as "yoga" so often means in the US. Yoga nidra is deeply relaxing. Yet like meditation, the practice brings increased wakefulness and awareness through greater presence to the whole truth of your experience.
In order to accept yourself you R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-41840897881222291102013-04-12T12:05:00.000-05:002015-08-13T15:02:38.618-05:00Ordinary LightAfter my monastic experience, you'd think I'd be suspicious of any self-proclaimed purveyors of Truth. You'd think I'd look first for the man behind the curtain. Still, I thought Amma was different - what with her free-hug darshan and "all money for charities" cant. Besides, many of my friends were Amma followers
True, her idea of karma was kindergarten simplistic & opposed to my own R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-30259967337440719232013-03-14T13:17:00.001-05:002015-08-13T15:03:16.908-05:00Pain Gain?
Pain itself is not the point. (Although in the largest, universal picture, who knows what creative good it might serve?) Pain motivates me to do work I would not otherwise attempt - the work of going deep, of being present to all my parts - even the most mangled or corrosive, of embracing all of myself with loving tenderness - with no demand to change or fix.
For most of us, the first R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-30194703891723620782013-03-12T21:18:00.000-05:002015-08-13T15:03:35.336-05:00The Fast Track Outta HereOver brunch, my friend mentioned the study showing that multiple childhood traumas could knock 20 years off your life.
I grinned. "You mean I have a good chance of going home at 70? Wow" (Taking a wild guess at the longevity of various relations.)
Some years back, I saw a bodyworker who heard the voices of numerous disembodied beings. Once as we discussed the pains du jour, one of those beingsR. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-30814891146741820992012-05-30T14:54:00.000-05:002013-01-28T13:02:23.137-06:00Giver or Taker: Whose Generosity Is It Anyway?In his Rule, Benedict says that monks do not bless the guests they receive and serve. It is the guests who bless the monks. This is especially true when the guest is poor, sick, or otherwise in need of care.
How un-capitalist! The one who "gives" - whether food, shelter, medicine, or instruction - is in actual fact the taker. The one who takes these things is the more generous giver. How our R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-8341412760147818012012-05-10T22:59:00.000-05:002015-08-13T15:04:02.724-05:00More on Fear & GratitudeThere are lots of external reasons I might be having trouble finding a job - not least, Wisconsin's continued employment hemorrhage under Scott Walker that keeps us mired in the worst of the recession while other states begin recovery. And the one thing a writer must do to be published (or produced) is write & submit & write & submit & write & submit - letting the rejections R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-27569323799839323902012-05-04T21:54:00.000-05:002013-01-28T13:04:58.653-06:00Fear and GratitudeSay we really, really want something and work very, very hard to get it and... fail. If our first response was, "Thank you. I didn't realize that thing I wanted was bad for me" how would the world be different?
That's what fills my thoughts as I ponder months of job application and play submission with no success in either department.
I lost my present house twice before finally getting it - R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-53992812273398753222012-01-12T13:59:00.002-06:002012-01-16T12:13:41.553-06:00Back to School Simply?
I left full-time academics in 1999. It took a year of exploring
the idea before I handed in my resignation, and another year and
a half before I finally left. Academic institutions have a year-long hiring
cycle and so it was professional to hand in a year's notice. Yet also, when it
came down to it, I didn't want to go. My dean would ask me to stay for another
term and I'd say yes. I might stillR. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-2192748668166757362012-01-09T11:48:00.000-06:002012-01-09T11:50:35.377-06:00Stuck in Trauma Thinking"The voice of the perpetrator says it is all your fault and you should give up in despair because what you did was so awful," my spiritual counselor said, "Believing you are hopeless and stuck is trauma thinking."
"What
would happen if you dismissed the voice listing all the things
you've done wrong and just let yourself feel the feelings?" she
asked. "Describe the feelings. Where in your R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-10052283729225452902012-01-08T13:27:00.002-06:002012-05-10T23:07:32.822-05:00Simplicity is a Struggle-some Dance
I don't like buying & owning & taking care of excess
property, but go where things are sold & I get the twitchy
desire to buy something. Anything. Even in the monastery, avarice constantly whispered in my ear, just like it does with everyone everywhere else. It really helped to have a tiny, monastic allowance to cover all my personal care products, clothes, etc (I entered R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-89706081595493491942011-09-21T12:00:00.000-05:002012-05-10T23:12:41.993-05:00Road Rage TeacherAfter a year or so of driving to work in Chicago, my mild-mannered, Wisconsin driver persona dissolved into road rage. I raced to lights, swerved in and out of traffic, and cursed any driver who slowed me down. Once as I was pulling out of a gas station, another driver careened in, swopping in front of me so I had to slam on the breaks. It wasn't much of a slam as I was hardly moving, but I R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-45055187548826530012011-08-15T19:08:00.001-05:002015-08-13T15:04:16.208-05:00No Need to Fear Being DeadI don't relish the pain of dying, but I don't fear being dead. Because I remember being dead. Well, only that first, exhilarating, upward rush of release - that feels like all the graduations, birthdays, and weddings rolled into a single microsecond burst of joy. After that, I get nothing - as if an impenetrable lead curtain lies between me and further knowledge.
It is enough.
The deaths I R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27769598.post-33351110861734117372011-08-11T17:17:00.002-05:002015-08-13T15:19:01.215-05:00Reflections on the Wisconsin UprisingOne of these days the people in the U.S. will rise up and toss down our presently growing corporate tyranny. It has happened before & will happen again. Just won't be so easy as a few rounds of voting. For one thing, the prevalence and ease of manipulating electronic voting machines (including visual scanners) makes it unlikely that votes for a sane state are counted
Yet, even if the R. Elena Tabachnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02878565161601629949noreply@blogger.com0