Obedience to What Authority?

The monastery I was in demanded novices’ complete, instantaneous and wordless obedience to the old sisters. Our existing self-knowledge and the promptings of our individual spirits were dismissed as ego.

It really sent the formation mistress into a rage if you tried to explain yourself when she berated you for one thing or another. Eyes steely, she’d snap, “When I speak to you, you just say ‘Thank you sister.’ That is all. You listen respectfully and say, ‘Thank you sister.’”

Benedict seemed on the side of the old sisters. He demanded unhesitating obedience. Even a monastic's body was not hers, but belonged to the monastery, to be used as the prioress willed. Of course, Benedict expected the most humble and loving woman to be prioress, but he demanded obedience to the prioress - no matter what her character. His fourth step of humility is to submit to the unjust treatment or downright abuse of bad superiors.

I desperately wanted to clear my ego and fill with Christ's love. Other spiritual teachers besides Benedict extol obedience to superiors as a good way to loose self-centered desire. So I convinced myself the sisters knew what they were doing - although to a modern feminist it sounded very wrong to say that the powerless should always humbly submit to the powerful. Such demands clearly cause many, many terrible social ills.

But to some extent, Benedict was right. Some of the antagonism I felt towards the old sisters’ requests was clearly ego resistance. Otherwise, why did I get so upset over dumb things like the uncomfortable furniture? And once, on hearing the formation mistress' demand for grateful submission when she reamed me out for some imaginary fault, I had an ah-ha moment. Responding as she asked was humility. Besides, the longer I stayed, the more often my heart filled with incredible light - and love for the other sisters, no matter how they behaved.

After they kicked out another novice, doubts overwhelmed my belief. It often felt like my whole body was shouting "no." Yet I struggled to go on. If this pain was due to old ego habits refusing to let go, persistence would bring me through. Benedict called for persistence during the painful start of the monastic journey. What had seemed excruciatingly narrow would become wide as our hearts "overflowed with the inexpressible delight of love." Entry into monastic life wasn’t supposed to feel good.

This all ended when I was kicked out in my turn. But I still struggled with the issue after I’d left the monastery.

Once I brought it up (for the umpteenth time) with my long-suffering, spiritual guide - an amazing, elderly Dominican. She startled me by saying, “That’s how you and others have interpreted Benedict’s call for obedience. Perhaps that’s not what he meant.”

Or perhaps Benedict's unquestioning obedience was a spiritual way that once opened people to unconditional love, yet now mostly created repression - by encouraging suppression of the spirit’s voice whispering in monks' hearts.

Whatever Benedict meant, I no longer believe that God was in the submission those old sisters demanded. That's not just my opinion. The “fruit” of their method was a dying community due to inability to accept new people, and "by their fruits you will know them."

Spiritual becoming requires obeying the still small voice of inner, divine guidance. It takes a lot of listening in silence, without any overt agenda, to hear this voice. It is easily confounded by the conflicting messages of human authorities, social norms and our own addictive habits. I don’t believe we listen to God if we give up self-awareness to further the schemes or bolster the ego of another - however worthy they may seem.