Sunday, June 04, 2006

Pentecostal Musings on Psalm 139

You search me and you know me... Oh, where can I go from your spirit?
... If I take the wings of the dawn and settle at the sea's farthest end, even there your hand will guide me... If I say, "let the darkness hide me..." even the darkness is not dark to you; and the night is as clear as the day..."

Something flows through all things, encompasses all things - every person and animal and rock and the earth's hot core and the sun's burning. When I touch that reverberating, flowing field of energy it feels awake, aware, loving... And it laughs a lot.

What is it that fills every being on every planet around every sun, and all the dark matter and all the space and all the time throbbing between suns? What is it that is future, past and yet always present?

Not raised religious, I had no name for it. Now as a lazy short-hand, I call it God.

One of the great gospel messages is "do not fear."

I can only release the desire to fear by resting in that something-or-other, living energy field, God, that embraces me and all things, that is the core substance of me and all things. There I am already completely known and completely accepted, for I am It and It is I. When I touch that I can't despair no matter how bad things look. As Elena I will die, both body and personality, but the real I, the I of that, can't die. Carrying the indelible memory of all Elena was and knew, after death I return to It.

Although I kind of dread the pain Elena's dying might entail, I'm sure eager for what happens next. For my return.

copyright R. Elena Tabachnick, June 2006